Women's Village Articles

Be careful what you wish for


Now we are in the month of February and Valentines Day is only around the corner I thought it would be quite fitting for my first article to be on the subject of Valentines Day.

 
My husband and I do not really celebrate this occasion other than buying each other a card. My husband says this is because every day is Valentines Day with him but in reality I think it is because we are both so secure in our relationship that it is not necessary to buy each other chocolates or an over sized teddy bear.

 

I have not always been this confident in past relationships and I think that it is partly because of these past relationships that I now feel secure enough in my relationship not to make a fuss over Valentines Day.

 

I will not sulk, stamp my feet or pout just because twelve slightly withered and no doubt overpriced roses are not promptly delivered to me on Valentines Day.

 

It is the surprise romantic gestures and the little things my husband does for me that count. What matters is when my husband instinctively knows what I need (large glass of red wine and a chocolate bar) when I am having a bad day. These are the things that tell me that I am thought of, adored, cherished and loved. These are the things that cannot be purchased in a shop and gift wrapped with a huge bow on it, this kind of love and understanding is priceless to me.

 

Although if you were to go back in time 10 years it would be a different story, I was insecure in my relationship with my eldest son, Connor’s father. Valentines Day would ultimately end with me in tears, sulking and further disappointment when the roses did not arrive or the heart shaped box of chocolates failed again to transpire.

 

Then I thought that it was those gestures which proved I was loved. I was desperate to spend a romantic evening with my partner at the time, how I dreamed of being whisked away for a romantic surprise valentines break or meal, every time someone came into my office at work I was secretly praying that it would be the delivery man with a huge bouquet of flowers and as the day progressed with no sign of flowers my disappointment and ever present feeling of rejection would grow.

 

By the time I got home from work I would have worked myself up in such a state that I would be in tears - I was my own worst enemy. So desperate to be loved I would obsess on the superficial acts of love instead of looking at and appreciating the little acts of love that money cannot buy.

 

This valentines day I will buy my husband a card as usual and wish him happy valentines day but we will not buy presents for each other nor will we go out for an over priced unromantic meal together.

 

Instead I will get to spend my Valentines afternoon with my son, Connor, and his father (my ex-partner) whilst we attend a hospital MRI scan for Connor . . .

 

Do you suffer with Postnatal Depression or are you struggling with motherhood for what ever reason?  Visit Jo's blog or Facebook page and read other Mum's experiences which they have shared openly with one another to raise awareness and reduce the stigma which surrounds postnatal depression.   www.mumshelpmums.blogspot.com    http://www.facebook.com/Mums-help-mums-network